Floraish

The backstory:

Much too complicated to tell. Several attempts to write one have been quashed by my inability to think about anything besides last night.

The discussion:

Time and space. Both much needed. Not by me.

The aftermath:

A restless night, followed by no sleep. Tears. Further discussion tonight.

I feel absolutely rotten inside.

I could’ve been happy.

I should be happy.

I want more.

I need more.

I deserve more.

I will always love you.

Well I’ve had a couple of really good weekends.

The weekend before last, Steve and I went to Underwater World, it was my surprise birthday outing. So fun checking out all the animals and whatnot. Steve had never actually been there and it had been about 15 years since I was last there, so why not? Seal show was the best!

The weekend just gone, we finally went and saw the Watchmen. It was a very, very long movie. Kinda epic. I liked it but I felt a lot of unanswered questions were left for me as I hadn’t read the graphic novel (ten years ago!). On Sunday was my first day setting up my market stall. It was pretty busy. Made a nice chunk of coin for myself. But it would be a month of early starts before I make back all my outlay. Lex and Erin came along and spent the day sitting with me in the hot and windy sun. Best friends.

Kinda writing in broken sentences because I keep feeling this angst building up. It’s been there since last night but I don’t want to say anything to ruin how good Steve and I have bounced back from crap* since.

It’s probably all just me being insecure, but I know what I saw and I know what I read and I know how he acted to brush me off and get me to leave the room. I’m pretty sure I know how it will play out if I continue not to say anything… BUT I’m going to do it differently and have some faith in the person I love so dearly; not his fault if people are being inappropriate. Right? He should know how to handle it and we can just continue being together uninterrupted.

*indicates we had several discussions.

So many new things going on!

• Steve has bought a house

It’s awesome. Living the dream.. 1.5km from me! The whole process has been quite an experience. I organised the finance and everything, so it was a learning experience for me too. One I can quite confidently say I am quite comfortable in - apart from a few moments of ‘OHSHI-’ moments which I managed to turn around with the help of the boss. But yeah, the best part is buying whitegoods and furniture stuff together It’s great fun, and if Settlement is all good on Friday, we can move in this weekend!! I’ve been a little bit overbearing during the whole process, but I’m just trying to be a good girlfriend I suppose.. Anyways, new house! Near me! That’s all that matters!

• Finally finished Summer Semester

Well yes, the dreaded Summer Semester is over. Official results haven’t been posted yet as my last exam was just on Friday 6th. It was my CRIM2000 50 question multi choice exam worth a cool 50% of my overall grade. I think I only needed 14/50 in the exam to pass the course, so I anticipate that I did a lot better than that! HMST1023 came at a surprise, I got 17.5/20 for the assignment which is AWESOME as it boosted my dismal 79/121 mark for my exam. Le sigh.

• Went to Melbourne with my lion dance team

I don’t think I’ve formally mentioned it, but I am the team Treasurer and Secretary for a lion dance association. It’s been a challenge but rewarding in many ways. Have heaps of cool new contacts and experiences. So last week we were in Melbourne for the weekend to perform at the Glen Waverely Lantern Festival. It was good fun, except the weather really got to me. It went from one extreme to another, and there were four seasons in one day. As a result I’m still sick and have a doctor’s appointment for later today. But all good, now that I’ve been I can add it to my experiences.

That’s pretty much about it. Birthday shout outs to Kyrin for his 21st today and to Erin for her 21st last Thursday. Seems like I’m next!!!

FINALLY!

A total mixed bag of a week! But it was mainly good! Let’s see.. well I finally got around to doing my CRIM2000 and HMST1023 assignments this week. I started them on Monday and finished them last night, ready for submission this morning. I really feel like I could’ve done better and they weren’t up to my usual standard, but I’m happy to have completed them in such a short time frame nonetheless.

I guess I spent a lot of time worry about other people I forgot about my own crap. Which was naughty, but seriously, I wasn’t stressed out at all. In fact, I distinctly remember feeling stressed out when I sat down and tried to write something back in December. Weird. Maybe I just work better on a tight schedule.

Well having fully ignored the gym this week, I fully plan on going tomorrow and sweating it out. A week of rest and poor eating routines have left me feeling a bit sluggish, but it shouldn’t take me long to get right back into it.

Steve and I are really good. Small hiccough (on my end I suppose) a week or two back, but all sorted. Just need an open mind to keep some clarity and rationality. We are meeting tomorrow for a day of fun, what we’re doing I don’t know, but rest assured it’s going to be awesome.

Now nothing to do but just chillax until exams are on. Oh oh oh! My CRIM2000 exam is on the morning of me flying down to Melbourne for the weekend, so that will be fun. Lucky too since it could’ve been the day after and on a Saturday! PHEW

So some goals for the year

• Don’t jump to conclusions

I have an unfortunate habit of seeing something and jumping to all the wrong conclusions. It’s truly amazing how fast the brain actually works when determining whether to take something you see at face value or making up some truly far fetched reason to get angry or some sort of negative attitude towards said incident. Funny how I never see anything and jump to good conclusions though.

• Don’t get easily upset/mad/jealous

Another unfortunate habit which seems to correlate with jumping to negative conclusions. Otherwise I’m cool, relaxed and chilled out most of the time. Time to lose those insecurities for the new year.

• Don’t binge drink

Says it all, really.

• Keep up the good work at the gym!

Well I am doing really well. Bar the last two weeks, I’ve been a regular 4 sessions a week at the gym. It’s good because I can finally see some noticeable changes. So I have to keep up this regular maintenance.

• Graduate uni

I don’t think this is too much to ask. After being a year behind everybody, I will be graduating after semester one 2009. Of course, this is possible through Summer semester. It’ll be good to finally put on the robe and the ridiculous but symbolic mortarboard (the square hat for the uneducated). And it’ll be Winter! Having been to a Summer graduation, I can say that this should be much more comfortable. Oh yeah, I planned it.

I think that’s about it. They’re not too specific, though not too vague. Here’s hoping I get it

We can remember swimming in December,
Heading for the city lights, in 1975
We share in each other
Nearer than father
The scent of a lemon, drips from your eyes

We are the people that rule the world
A force running in every boy and girl
All rejoicing in the world
Take me now
We can try

We lived an adventure
Love in the Summer
Followed the sun till night
Reminiscing other times of life
For each every other
The feeling was stronger
The shock hit eleven
Got lost in your eyes

I can’t do well when I think you’re gonna leave me, but I know I try
Are you gonna leave me now
Can’t you be believing now

Can you remember and humanize,
It was still where we’d energized,
Lie in the sand and visualize like its 75 again

We are the people that rule the world
A force running in every boy and girl
All rejoicing in the world
Take me now
We can try

I can’t do well when I think you’re gonna leave me, but I know I try
Are you gonna leave me now
Can’t you be believing now

I know everything about you
You know everything about me
Know everything about us

I can’t do well when I think you’re gonna leave me, but I know I try
Are you gonna leave me now
Can’t you be believing now

Welcome to 2009!

Today feels like a Sunday. Mainly because I went out last night, drank too much, fell over and woke up with a hangover. It was a good party. I’m really struggling to say it was anything more. I mean, it was good, don’t get me wrong; regrettably, I wish there wasn’t as much competitive element to the ‘all you can drink’ drinks package. Alcohol makes people do funny things. Actually there was a great thing was, I welcomed the new year in with a big cliche ’sweep me off my feet’ midnight kiss from Steve. So you just know 2009 is going to be great

Tomorrow Steve and I are meeting for breakfast and then going to Dreamworld! It’s going to be a great day!

Side notes: My dad is the best dad ever in the whole world. When I couldn’t be bothered catching a bus home, he came all the way into the city, then over the other side to the Regatta and picked me up. At 2AM NYE. How awesome is he? And no complaints. Best dad ever.